Linfield troop into the dressing room after their pre-match warm-up. Larmour looks at Jeffrey and mutters "I'll need a Cortisone Injection before I go back out there to play"
At which point Lee Feeney chirps in "Well if he's gettin a car I want one too".
Q. Why do female bluegogs like a car with a sunroof?
A. More leg-room!
After a long and fruitful life, David Jeffrey passed away. In spite of him being a bluedog the Ballymac decided to put a notice in the paper. Not wanting to go 'over the top' the notice simply said "Jeffrey dead." The News Letter called the club next day and said that death notices must have a minimum of five words. "Fine" we thought, "make it 'Jeffrey dead; Volvo for sale.'"
Glenn Ferguson in the new linfield training video
What do you call a smowman with a suntan?.......... A puddle.
What has four wheels and flies?
....... A bin lorry.
How do you know if a bluedog's well hung?
You can't get your finger between his neck
and the rope.
Q: What have Robert Robinson and Michael Jackson got in common?
A: They both wear gloves for no apparent reason
I hear Lee Feeney studied 2 weeks for
a urine test
A bluedog goes into a supermarket and buys a tube of toothpaste, a bottle of Pepsi, a bag of tortilla chips, and a frozen pizza. The cute girl at the register looks at him and says, "Single, huh?"
Sarcastically the bluedog sneers, "How'd you guess?"
She replies, "Because you're an ugly bastard."
Q. Why do bluedogs whistle whilst sitting on the toilet?
Throughout this page you will find some puzzles for bluedogs. It is stressed these puzzles are for Bluedogs only and are there to keep them entertained while the rest of us laugh our balls off.
Try to find your way through this devilishly tricky maze in 15 minutes or less.
(no cheating)
Why are bluedogs planting spuds round the edge of whinger park?
So they have
something to lift at
the end of the season
David Jeffrey was caught speeding with 4 bald tyres on his way to whinger park yesterday.
"I'll do anything for 3 points", he said.
A man goes into Belfast International Airport and heads for the departure lounge waiting for his flight home to be called. All around him there are overturned tables, upturned chairs, smashed windows, flight monitors broken and crowd control barriers lying all over the floor. "What the hell's happened here?" he asks one of the ground crew. "Absolute disaster" is the reply .... "we had the linfield team in here this morning filming the new Nike ad.....".
Q: Name three football clubs that contain swear words?
A: Arsenal, Scunthorpe and F*****g linfield
During sex, what does a female bluedog use for protection?
A bus shelter
What's a female bluedogs idea of safe sex? Locking the car door
A fella is going through the park one day when he sees a child being attacked by a large Rottweiler. Fearing not for his safety, he leaps on the beast and after a struggle manages to break it's neck and kill it.
Now this violent scenario was witnessed by Steven Beacom of the Belfast Telegraph, who approaches the man to offer his congratulations. He asks if he can run the story of great bravery in the paper next day. Our hero agrees to this.
Beacom then asks if the man is a Linfield supporter. When told no, he says "that's a pity - I would have used the headline 'Brave blueman saves baby'...
Beacom then asks if the fella is by any chance a Portadown supporter. Again, unfortunately the answer is no ..."you see I could have used Reds fan to the rescue"...
When asked which team he actually does support the rescuer replies
"I'm a Glenman actually".....
"Ah, I see. Well sir, tonight I'll see what I can do with that", comes the reply.
The following morning, the headline on the back page of the Belfast Telegraph reads:-
"GLENTORAN BASTARD SAVAGES FAMILY PET"
Heard about the bluedog Wolf?
He got caught in a trap, chewed off 3 legs and was still trapped!!
Whats the difference between Davy Larmour's tie and a cows tail?
A cows tail covers the whole a*shole
Not gettin any easier are they.
The artist has cleverly left out the final piece of this drawing. Can you tell what type of animal it will be when completed?
The answer to all those
keyboard problems.
Seamus the van driver used to keep himself amused by scaring witless every Linfield fan he saw sauntering down the Lisburn road in his blue and white uniform. He would swerve as if to hit them, and at the last minute, swerve back onto the road.
One day as he was driving along the road, he saw a priest hitch-hiking. He thought he would do his good deed for the day and offer the priest a lift. "Where are you off to, Father?" he asked.
"I'm going to give Mass at St Michael's church - it's about 2 miles down the road,".
"No worries," said Seamus, "Hop in and I'll give ya a lift."
The happy priest climbed into the van and they set off down the road. Suddenly Seamus caught site of a bluedog on the pavement, and instinctively swerved as if to hit him At the last minute he remembered he had the priest in his van, swerved back to the road again, narrowly missing the idiot.
Although he was certain that he didn't hit him, he was sure he heard a loud "Thud".
Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors, and, seeing nothing, said to the priest, "Oh sorry Father, I nearly hit that LinfieldFan walking down the road there."
"No need to apologise Sonny," replied Father, "I got the bastard with the door!"
